Monday, April 26, 2010

Jack Bauer is hot!

Just to make a point.
Jack is hot, can shoot and run, kill an army by himself and save the planet all at once.
He is hotter than super man and spider man.
He wears regular clothes, has super guns and a purse.
He can speak to the president at anytime and has more computer skills than Bill Gates.
He is not lucky in love but he is married to his job.
Who needs James Bond?
Please Jack call me.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

People out of the closet!

Love love love my gay friends!
Lately has been way too many people coming out of the "closet".
I seriously do not understand and never will why so many get shocked about it.
Many years a go I told my mother that Rose Odonnell was gay and she cried and called me crazy.
Well well well.
My gaydar is super powerful therefore I will make you a list just for future reference:
Rick Martin is gay (just came out this week) hello Kitty!
Kevin Spacey is gay, Matt Lauer is gay, David Guest is gay, Queen Latifah is gay, Naomi C. is gay (afraid I will get a phone in my head), Oprah is gay (so inside the vault) , Tom Cruise is almost gay (if there is such a thing), Jon Bon Jovi (too pretty), Jodie Foster smart and gay, Clay Aiken (really no one knew except me?), Tom and Jerry :gays and rodents (not handy), Batman and Robin, Doctor Smith from Lost in Space, I have a cousin that like to be called a homosexual according to him sounds better.
My closet is empty and I have been fooled once but I will be updating my list as life goes on.
Kisses on your rainbow!

PS: People deserve to be happy no matter their preferences, love is for all of us and lets keep fighting for human rights.


Friday, April 16, 2010

Too much!

Too pink!
Too white, too fat, too tired, too neurotic, too intolerant, too shady, too big,too good,too shocking, too human,too fake, too busy,
too nostalgic, too old, too shabby, too chic, too full, too small, too calm, too cold, too hot, too empty, too bright,too little, too late, too red, to blue,too cheap, too high, too plain, too soft, too clean, too messy, too slow, too dark, too passe, too in, too out, too sad,too shallow, too narrow, too dry, too creamy, too thin, too black, too scary, too weird,too new, too nice, too much, too bad!!!

Is it time for a one piece???

Hi ladies,

I am pretty sure some of you knows exactly what I mean...

Being a good Brazilian woman I ALWAYS worn a two piece bikini , better yet a thong bikini.

I started wearing a thong when I was 18 years old following my tribe.

For some shocking but for my father a family tragedy.

I got away with my thongs until I got married (I was already 28 years old) and my husband sweetly said that was time for a change.
With a new last name and lot of respect for my husband I said goodbye to my tinny bikinis.

Officially I belonged to the "housewives Club" therefore behavior was need it at the beach and at pool parties.

Sometimes on a private beach or a boat I would dare to go topless but fiercely kept my full buttons on.

Several decades later and lots of changes I decided is was about time to go on vacation.

Some place warm and quiet ,hours by the beach with my books.

A new bathing suit was need it after a long winter and two years without a real vacation.

Before I started with a self mutilation process I dive into my own closet!

Big mistake! Huge!

My ass became too big, my breast too saggy, my spider veins looks like a road map and my gut makes me wonder is there a full body spanks?

Or a better off with a burkini?

I never worn a one piece or even tried one.

Should I fast until then? Or should I go to a spa instead?

Too Little too late.

Every chocolate bar, every bow of pasta I eat just because I deserved...

Now in front of a mirror of a department store I am crying and mad at the lighting and the mirror.

I called my fairy "make me look skinny by tomorrow godmother" but she is in Mexico saving lives.

Miss my thongs, my youth, my carbs and a cold beer.

So I took my meds, compromised and got a tankini!

Viva Mexico!

PS: my vacation is all inclusive and definitely will be a site of a white whale.